Snippets of Insight From Reverend Joan Pape
Throughout the course of conducting about 200 weddings, I have witnessed a few unexpected “distractions” that certainly wouldn’t be found in any wedding planning book because they are unique situations. Yet, they are situations that some couples feel would fall into the category of . . .”if only I had known or thought about this . . .”
I share these with you in a spirit of light-hearted humor and sincerity. This is not exactly a “blog”, but perhaps more of an eclectic collection of ideas, suggestions, kooky incidents and potential hazards that are worth sharing . . . enjoy!
Some Thoughts About Readings ~
Readings within your wedding ceremony can be as varied and unique as you are. There are a multitude of readings available to choose from, but also, don’t rule out the idea of creating your own. Perhaps you have expressed your love in the form of prose at some point in your relationship. Or, perhaps you know someone who is a good writer and can provide a poem or a writing that expresses what you are feeling in your hearts.
How a reading is introduced will also set the tone and intention as to how your guests will hear and receive the essence of the reading. Most importantly, give careful thought when selecting who your readers are going to be. It is very special to have a close friend or family member do a reading, but please be sure they are going to be comfortable standing in front of 100 or more people. Can they be comfortable enough to convey the essence of the reading or will they be too nervous to read it with feeling? You can always ask your minister or officiant for some guidance or ask them to read it.
Integrating Children Into Your Ceremony ~
Many couples have children from a previous marriage and want to make them feel a part of the wedding, too. There are many ways, depending on the age of the children, that you can include them in your joyous celebration.
A Sand Ceremony is a wonderful way to symbolize the melding of your lives, not only as a couple, but also as a family. Whether there is one child or a dozen children, the pouring of the sand creates a symbol of the unity of the family and allows the children to participate in a meaningful way.
Another way to honor children is to have what I call a “Dedication and Vows to the Children”. This honors their role in your lives and honors the family you are creating and gives you an opportunity to publicly declare your love and dedication to the children as a couple.
When children are older, giving them some token of your love is a wonderful gesture. Perhaps a necklace or pocket watch, something that is special and will have meaning for them for the rest of their lives.
If you have a baby together and have been wanting to have the baby christened, you might want to consider having the christening be part of the wedding ceremony.
Prayers ~
Prayers are not limited to clips from the bible or from prayer books. A prayer is a statement of gratitude and the acknowledgement of the soul connection that you share. Prayers can be in the form of poems or prose, or any piece of writing that conveys a feeling of the presence of Spirit, or a request for blessings upon your marriage and your future together. There are many ways to include a prayer or blessing without offending anybody’s individual belief system.
Timing ~
This can be a bit tricky, because on your wedding day you shouldn’t have to be concerned with the clock and your guests’ arrivals. Yet, too often, I see ceremonies being delayed or people arriving late and disrupting a ceremony that is already in progress.
In the absence of a wedding coordinator, it can be a challenge to have guests take their seats upon arrival so that the ceremony can begin on time. This is a good job to delegate to your ushers or your parents. It is easy to get side-tracked by conversations, particularly folks that haven’t seen each other in a while. And, since everybody is feeling so festive, they aren’t really paying attention to the time. That is all right, but you don’t want to have to delay your ceremony because Aunt Suzie can’t stop talking to Aunt Emma.
One idea is to ask your parents or a trusted friend or relative to oversee the greeting of guests. If there are ushers, encourage your parents to lead folks to the ushers so that the ushers can do what they are there to do. Often, ushers are new to the process, and a little guidance from a parent or the bride’s personal assistant, can go a long way to ensure a smooth and timely process. If you don’t have designated ushers, I am always happy to assist in this process.
Children as Part of a Ceremony ~
Having very young children participate as flower girls and ring bearers is an adorable addition to any wedding ceremony. Their spontaneity and innocence always warms the hearts of your guests.
It’s that very spontaneity that you, as the bride and groom, need to be sure you are comfortable with. Children can be very unpredictable and might not always walk the way we practiced at the rehearsal! Sometimes, they will do just fine at rehearsal, but when the big day arrives and they have to walk between all those people and they feel the energy in the air, they can become fearful.
I think it’s important not to make a very young child feel pressured in these situations. I always encourage couples who are having young children involved to have a designated adult (preferably a parent) who can “coach” the child down the aisle if necessary, as well as give the child a trusted “target” adult they can focus on and walk toward.
Another reason to have an appointed adult to oversee a child concerns the potential for disruption during the ceremony. If you have a 3-year-old who (loudly) insists that everyone in the bridal party smell her flowers through the entire ceremony, it can be very distracting for the bride and groom and create a situation where guests cannot hear the ceremony. Again, just an example of where an appointed adult should step forward and removed the child from the front of the ceremony area.